You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
