Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
