battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
