white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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