So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize