I heard we made out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
