so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
