You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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