it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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