dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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