You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
