She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
