Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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