I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
