i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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