I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
