I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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