I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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