honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
