eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
