my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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