Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize