My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
