I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
