My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
