Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize