he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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