connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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