You're so nebulous sometimes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
