if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
