Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
