I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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