Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
