soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
