I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
