; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
