I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
