in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
