Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
