I feel like abortions should bother me more
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
