So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize