I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
