thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
