I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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