So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
