I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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