I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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