just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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