I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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