We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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