You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
