Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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