ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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