I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
