Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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