heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The power of my boobs compel you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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