I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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