when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
