In the future we'll all be gay
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
