Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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