I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
