I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
