i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
