Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
