Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize