Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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