Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You don't make any sense
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