My friends, they love my intelligence
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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