Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
