He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
