found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
