One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
