i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
