3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
